Comedy of Errors
by KivaEmber
Summary: AU oneshot. Zoro did not need the shitty cook to give him advice on his love life. ZoLuZo shonen ai.


**Title: **Comedy of Errors

**Pairing: **ZoLu

**Rating: **T

**Disclaimer: **I do not ooooooown~

**Summary: **AU oneshot. Zoro did not need the shitty cook to give him advice on his love life. ZoLuZo shonen ai.

**Word Count: **4'268 words

**A/N: **Just a random oneshot that I wrote after Michelle gave me some random prompts. I dunno how it is, because it was one of those, 'spur-of-the-moment' things, and I like writing AUs (alas, it is something I cannot shake off...).

Just so you know, first time writing Sanji, Ace, Shanks and Nami. And I dunno how well I've done them, though Sanji does get a lot of insults because of Zoro. Eheheh...I love the cook, but Zoro does not in this XD

Enjoy!

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"_Look here. Let's find someone who looks like this."_

"_...If I see someone who looks like that, I'll just turn around and run."_

"_I would, too. I would jump into the sea if I have to. Although this guy looks like he's part octopus, so he would probably still come after me."_

"_Hey, you better not be talking about me!"_

_--- Luffy, Usopp, Sanji and Zoro, One Piece_

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**COMEDY OF ERRORS**

Nami knew it was risky business, betting on something as delicate as this, but for the whole eight years she had known Zoro and Luffy, it was that they were impulsive, pigheaded idiots and would never allow anything like this just lie between them without confrontation – though she was amazed at how long Zoro kept his self control and Luffy being...well, Luffy, but she thought even _he'd_ be able to see the clear signals Zoro unwittingly gave the stupid fool!

It was starting to cut a little close within her allotted time. Once it went past next week's Wednesday she was out of the game and the whole 10'000¥ jackpot was lost to her. If she lost because of that, well, then, she was going to kick the shit out of those two, childhood friends or not.

She smiled deviously, eyes sliding over to her not-so-secret admirer serenading her; oblivious to the fact that she had long ago tuned her out. Well, it seemed that she needed to do some divine intervention for the sake of her woefully romantically retarded friends whose relationship will be the gateway to her 10'000¥.

"Sanji-kun..." She purred, mentally cackling as the blonde immediately bent to her whim.

The money was gonna be hers, baby.

**X.x.X**

Never before had Zoro been so bewildered.

"...Say _what_, Shitty cook?"

Sanji scowled around his cigarette, prodding the nineteen year old swordsman in the centre of his forehead with an air of superiority. "Id-i-ot. My beloved Nami-swan has asked me to help you to pull your head out of your ass and stop _pining_ over Luffy. And I never fail Nami-swan. Ever. Even if it means I have to help _you_."

"Your love for her disturbs me." Zoro deadpanned.

Sanji snarled and kicked Zoro's shin – hard. "Shut the fuck up, Marimo. We're not talking about my _pure_ – not disturbing – love for Nami-swan. We're talking about your creepy, obsessive paedophilic love for Luffy."

"It's not paedophilic!" Zoro snapped. "If it is then you just admitted you're a paedophile too!"

Grinning triumphantly, Sanji grasped his cigarette from his mouth and pointed it at the swordsman. "So you admit to having a creepy, obsessive love for Luffy?"

_Dammit_. "Shut up. My love life isn't any of your business."

"It is when Nami-swan is interested." A long drag of a cigarette. "And when the bedroom eyes you throw at Luffy across the room are nauseating to those present." The triumphant grin curling Sanji's lips gained a malicious edge.

Zoro spluttered indignantly. "I don't- Shut up!" He barked, crossing his arms and adopting a defensive stance. "What makes you think that you can just throw me and Luffy together anyway!? You fricken' Cupid now!?"

"For my Nami-swan..." Sanji clasped his hands together, eyes glazing over as he remembered the flirtatious smile the orange haired woman had given him that very morning when issuing this task to his. Oh, how pretty she was when committing manipulation! "I will be anyone!"

"..." Zoro looked at the sky in a silent plea to save him from the stupidity incarnate named Sanji and slowly began to walk away down the street, headed for his original destination (or the vague direction anyway – he hoped) he was heading towards before Sanji had ambushed him from a clump of bushes. "You're fucking stupid. Go away."

"Marimo!" Sanji snarled, his long legs easily catching up to Zoro's swift strides. "If you try to create a romantic relationship-" (Here Sanji had to stop and snicker because the thought of _Zoro_ having a _romantic_ relationship with anyone was more bizarre than Luffy becoming a genius) "-you'll end up saying something stupid and wreaking an eight year bond that will never be fixed! And you will have to suffer those horrible awkward silences with Luffy for the rest of your life!"

"...Right. You've watched too many soap operas, Shitty cook." Zoro harrumphed, shoving the heel of his palm against the blond's cheek and pushing him away lazily. He absently hopped forward to avoid the predictable kick aimed at the back of his knees and jogged down the rest of the path, snickering to himself all the way as Sanji's indignant shouts followed him to Luffy's house – or to where he _presumed_ Luffy's house to be. All these damned streets kept _moving_.

**X.x.X**

"Zoro's late agaaaaain..." Luffy sighed with fond exasperation, sitting upside down on the living settee with his legs thrown over the back and his head hanging off the edge of the seat. He didn't mind Zoro being late, because he knew that the swordsman had the directional sense of a petrified rock, and that the wait for his best friend was always worth it, but all there was on the television was the News! So boring!

"We need to get that man a map." Ace snorted from the love seat, clad in nothing but cut off trousers as he was wont to do. "Has more of a chance of wandering off the end of the pier and sinking like a rock then you do."

"Zoro can swim." Luffy reminded his brother absently, flipping back upright and almost smashing his nose into the back of the settee.

Ace hummed, eyeing Luffy with a knowing look. He had noticed that his young and impressionable brother was mentioning Zoro more often, hanging out with him, laughing with him, clinging to him...quite frankly, it sent his inner Big Brother instincts wild with the orders to get rid of the pervert that would taint his pure young brother's mind – but he had known Zoro for over eight years, and he knew that the green haired nineteen year old was about as perverted as Luffy was.

I.e. Completely oblivious to anything of a sexual and/or romantic nature.

So, Ace had made a vow that he would help the poor souls get a running start at least, knowing that Luffy could do much, _much _worse than Zoro – like that perverted cook or the panty wearing man who lived off nothing but cola.

"What do you think of Zoro, Luffy?" He asked innocently, flicking the button on the remote and changing it over to some documentary on Egypt or some other sandy area.

"Zoro's the best!" Came the immediate reply. "He may sleep and get lost a lot, but Zoro's my bestest best friend!"

"Just a friend?" Ace yawned, knowing that his younger brother wouldn't get subtlety. "I mean, isn't he closer to you than that?"

"Eh?" Luffy looked over to his bare chested brother with a confused expression, tilting his head like some adorable puppy in a questioning manner. "What do you mean?"

"Oooh, are you trying to give Anchor _romantic _advice, Ace?" Shanks's voice laughed heartily from somewhere in the kitchen, the scarred man immediately swooping out of the kitchen to loom over the older D. Brother. "What has the world come to?"

"Huh? Romantic advice? What's that got to do with Zoro?" Luffy looked between the two older men, face scrunched up as he grew more and more perplexed. What were these two going on about?! Why did Ace ask what Luffy thought of Zoro? Wasn't it obvious that Zoro was his best friend? And what about romantic advice?

But before Shanks or Ace could reply, the familiar knocking on their front door diverted Luffy's attention, and the wiry teen gave a joyful cry of; "He's here! Only an hour late!" before bolting off the seat with the speed of a gazelle.

Ace waved the wildly grinning Shanks away from him as he pondered over if it really was his place to try and intervene on the relationship between Luffy and his best friend.

"-ot held up by that shitty cook. Sorry."

"Shishishishi! Don't worry! I'm used to Zoro being late now! So let's go go go!"

"Ah...Luffy needs a heads up sometimes." Ace muttered to himself with a grin as he flipped the channel over to a history programme about pirates.

**X.x.X**

It was a few days later, when Luffy was perched tensely on the edge of his seat awaiting the bell for home time, that his mind – in a fit of pure boredom – began to mull over the mystery of how weird Ace and Shanks had been acting whenever Zoro was brought up or around.

Tapping an irregular beat on the wooden surface of his desk, Luffy frowned at the clock as he worried his bottom lip intensely. It was starting to get rather annoying, quite frankly, and Zoro was being weird too, because he had been acting more grumpy and snappish lately (moreso whenever Sanji was near to the point of miming stabbing motions at him with his chopsticks) for no apparent reason. Being stuck with a weird family and a snappish Zoro, these past few days had obviously not been kind to young Luffy.

Well, his family was always strange, so Luffy knew there was no changing that, but being around a grumpy Zoro made him sad, so, it was during those last few minutes of English (which he was failing – badly), Luffy made a decision that would set everything into motion.

He was going to cheer him up.

**X.x.X**

"Zorooooooooo!"

The swordsman in question grunted when he felt a wiry body slam into his back, almost making him topple forwards from his crouch and faceplant into the storage room. Glaring over his shoulder at the cheekily grinning face of his best friend, Zoro sighed and muttered a half hearted greeting. "Oh...it's you."

"That's no way to say hello, Zoro!" Luffy admonished, shuffling up as Zoro resumed his task of comparing the wooden katana laid out before him with a critical eyes. He propped his chin on the swordsman's broad shoulder, smiling contentedly at how comfortably their bodies fit against each other.

Frowning, Zoro grabbed one wooden katana at the end and tsked angrily at its battered state. These annoying brats at the dojo did not know how to look after these things properly, just using them like overgrown sticks and flailing around stupidly. "You just get out of school, Luffy?"

"Yep. I ran."

Zoro paused his frowning and turned his head slightly to deliver a baffled look at his best friend, only to give a small jerk when he almost bumped noses with the teen and hurriedly turned back to the wooden katana, his cheeks just a little bit warm. "Uh, why?"

"Because I wanted to see Zoro." Luffy mumbled, confused at the unusual red tint to the swordsman's cheeks. "Ne, Zoro?" He asked, concerned. "Are you okay?"

Zoro snorted, any lingering feelings being swept away by the prod at his pride. "'Course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Oh..." Luffy frowned at his friend before shaking his head. Why was everyone being weird, lately? Was he the only sane person left? "C'mon, Zoro! Let's go."

"Go where?" Zoro asked absently, placing the battered katana aside amongst the other damaged ones.

"Mmm, somewhere." Luffy shrugged, standing up to loom over the green haired male with a mischievous grin. "Let's go to Baratie! I'm hungry!"

"No thanks. I don't really feel like facing the Shitty cook's stupidity today." With a groan, Zoro stood as well, brushing his hands off on his haramaki. "But I'll get you some food from a Takoyaki stand or something. I'll finish this later."

"Yaaay!" Luffy latched onto his friend's hand, smiling happily up at the nineteen year old and felt his heart do an oddly pleasant trip in its rhythm at the smile Zoro gave him in return.

Weird.

**X.x.X**

They went for ice cream.

Or, more accurately, Zoro's illogical sense of direction led them to the centre of said ice cream parlour where Nami worked half time, and said girl had practically forced them to sit down once her eyes had zeroed on the lost pair. Zoro grumbled all the while, and glared at the Cheshire cat grin curling the money-sucking sea witch's lips.

"I want chocolate and mint ice cream, Nami!" Luffy called after the teen girl sashaying to the counter; and wildly waved his arm as if that would make Nami hear him better.

Sighing at the sight of his best friend causing another public scene, Zoro smiled secretly to himself. He liked Luffy's exuberance and childishness (Sanji had said that it was Zoro's inner paedophile showing itself), and he wouldn't want to change it just because Luffy's nature attracted big eyed stares – he really didn't care what other people thought anyway.

"Wonder what she's planning." Zoro mumbled under his breath, keenly watching Nami carry out Luffy's order behind the counter. She had, after all, told Sanji to be his 'Romantic Advisor' – as if he needed romantic advice from the moron who struck out more than an incompetent baseball player – and would therefore try to take matters into her own hands.

He was perfectly fine with how things were thank you very much.

"Zorooo~!" Luffy sang, practically throwing himself on the tabletop and grasping Zoro's cheeks between his calloused hands. Surprised out of his suspicious thoughts by this sudden action, the green haired male could only stare as Luffy frowned at him closely; _very_ aware of how good it felt to have his friend's hands gently cupping his cheeks. "You here?"

"...Er, yeah." Zoro reflexively swallowed, sure that he was probably as bright as a tomato. "Just wondering what the sea hag is planning."

"Hmmm..." Luffy didn't sound convinced, dark eyes regarding him closely before the teen abruptly flopped back on his seat with a groan, his hands now thrown up in the air. "Naaaaaaaaaamiiiii!!! I'm huuuuuuuuuuuuungry!!!"

"Oh, be patient you pig!" Nami's voice roared across the parlour, some of the patrons looking slightly nervous as the orange haired woman hulked over with a mildly irritated look. "Here. Now that's 220¥, boys!" She grinned at Zoro expectantly – gaining a glare in return at the obvious inflation on the price.

Knowing the drill, Zoro's hand was already reaching for his wallet when Luffy surprised them both with a cheerful, "I've got it" and placed the money on the table near Nami.

There was silence as both Nami and Zoro stared at Luffy blankly, before Nami's money-senses sent a swift kick to her brain and she greedily snatched up the crisp notes with a sweet smile. "Thank you, Luffy." She cooed, her tone putting Zoro on edge. "Now you two have fun on your little date, m'kay?"

Zoro choked as she sauntered away trying (and failing) to burn a hole through her head with a poisonous glare. Stupid sea hag.

Luffy frowned a little. Date? He and Zoro were on a date? He thoughtfully shoved a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth, staring at his best friend glower after Nami. Well, now that he thought about it, whenever Nami or Sanji said weird stuff like that (which was getting more and more frequent, now that he thought about it), Zoro would always act angry...like, the type of angry he'd act like when he was trying to cover up doing something nice for someone. Why? What was Zoro trying to hide?

...

He was going to give himself a headache with all this thinking!

With a huff, Luffy shoved the matter aside to pursue at another time and dug into his ice cream with gutso, yelping with indignation when Zoro dug his own spoon into _his_ bowl of ice cream. "Heeey!" But Luffy didn't feel any annoyance at all when he looked up at Zoro to see him smirking around the spoon, unable to stop the small grin curling his lips.

Ah, who cared about complicated mysteries anyway?

**X.x.X**

"Made any moves yet, Marimo?"

Zoro ignored the blond idiot hovering over his shoulder as he carefully rubbed a swab of cotton over Wado's steel blade, even though he wanted to do nothing more than stab the katana into the shitty cook's crotch. "..."

"Tch. Idiot." Sanji bumped the toe of his boot against Zoro's tailbone and hopped off the wooden deck of the dojo, blowing a puff of smoke in agitation. "My beloved Nami-swan said you two were out on a _date_ yesterday." He said after a minute of silence.

"It wasn't a date, moron." Zoro snapped, narrowing his eyes but not looking up from his work. "We hung out like we _always do_."

"Sure."

Snarling at the smug tone in the cook's voice, Zoro snapped his head up to glare at the blond and growled threateningly. "Stay out of my fucking love life, shitty cook. I'll do what I want about this _thing_, okay!? And you can tell that money sucking she-hag that too!"

"Idiot!" Sanji roared back, lashing out with his foot and smashing the heel of his boot against the green haired swordsman's forehead. "Don't talk about Nami-swan like that!"

Zoro recoiled from the hit, swatting the foot away by slamming the flat end of his katana against the blond's ankle, snarling angrily. "If she stops butting into my private life, I will!"

"And she'll stop _helping_ you, you ungrateful ape, once you go to Luffy and admit that you're pining after him and want to jump his fucking bones!"

"It's none of your business if I want to jump Luffy or not!"

"Tch!" Sanji spun on his heel, and marched down the short path to the dojo's gate, shouting over his shoulder; "It's Luffy's business, ne?" Then he was gone, a faint wisp of smoke floating upwards the only indication that the bane of Zoro's life was there.

"The hell does that mean?" Zoro growled under his breath, furiously swabbing at the surface of his blade with renewed vigour. After a few seconds he snarled and abruptly placed Wado aside, burying his face in his hand and breathing out heavily, fingers digging into his scalp.

Fucking shitty cook.

**X.x.X**

It was the _hottest_ day Luffy had ever had the displeasure to suffer through in his life, and he was currently stuck in the strangest place to endure it with Zoro squatted next to him.

The bushes.

"Zoroooo..." He whined quietly, shuffling his feet as well as he could to try and distract himself from the stifling heat. After being unceremoniously dragged into said bushes, all his friend had done was scowl at a lady bug crawling over his fingers and, though Luffy would willingly squat in the bushes during the hottest day in the summer with Zoro anyday, the silence and the heat was grinding on his admittedly small patience. "Why are we here?"

"Because it's private." Zoro answered curtly, lifting his green eyes from the ladybug as it crawled onto a twig and scuttled upwards, giving him a very..._odd_ look.

It made Luffy a little anxious actually.

"Private?" Luffy glanced around their small hidey hole, and agreed that despite being just on the side of the path on a busy street, it _was_ quite private. He wondered if this was one of Zoro's secret napping spots.

"Hn."

Luffy fiddled with the brim of his straw hat, peeking out at his best friend from the corner of his eye and trying to figure out just _when_ everyone started acting weird and making no sense. Did he miss something important? Was this a game? The seventeen year old pouted at the thought of everyone playing a new game and excluding him from it. They probably thought it would be funny leaving him out of the loop or something.

"Luffy." The teen blinked and turned his head to his friend, confused at the uncharacteristic expression of awkwardness on the swordsman's face. "I...need to tell you something..."

"Okay." Luffy shuffled until his body was completely facing Zoro, giving him his complete attention. "Is it why we're sitting in the private bushes?"

"Uh, y-yeah." Zoro cleared his throat, scowled again and finally looked at Luffy in the eyes. "...Alright, I had this written in my head earlier, but fuck I've forgotten it." He pressed the heel of his palm against his temple and released an aggravated growl before shaking his head. "Dammit."

Extremely confused, Luffy blinked at his friend. "...Is it embarrassing?"

"Kinda, yes, no. No it's not, it's stupid." Zoro paused, frowning to himself before waving a hand between them. "Okay, screw words."

"Wha-" Luffy cut himself off when his hands were gently grasped by Zoro's larger, rougher hands, reflexively swallowing at the strange tingly sensation the contact brought. Staring, Luffy's heart fluttered nervously in his chest like a trapped hummingbird, and, slightly alarmed by the odd behaviour of this bodily function, he swallowed again.

It was then realisation dawned, and Luffy barely remembered to breathe as he continued to stare at the uncomfortable form of his best friend – or, well, a something-friend. He may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but Luffy wasn't oblivious about _everything_. His lips quivered briefly, before he licked them nervously and spoke. "A-Ah...Zoro, I..."

"Heh." Zoro broke eye contact, looking uncharacteristically downtrodden. "I thought so..." He began to retract his hands but froze when Luffy abruptly clenched them to stop him. "Luffy...?"

"Wait." Luffy chewed his bottom lip, looking between their joined hands to Zoro's cautiously hopeful face. Zoro was his best friend, his best friend for eight years, and they had shared all kinds of things, both pleasant and unpleasant. They shared a bond deeper than anything else, and would this change...really change anything?

Luffy shuffled closer until their knees knocked against each other, and smiled reassuringly at his best friend. "Zoro...Zoro's an idiot."

The green haired swordsman scowled irritably, looking away to glare at a nearby twig. "And how am I an idiot?"

Luffy's smile twitched into a grin as he made his final decision. "Because you worried about this." He snickered, then leaning forwards and pressing a quick, sloppy kiss on the corner of Zoro's mouth. "We're _nakama_, ne?"

Cheeks tinged pink, Zoro swung his gaze to the younger teen, his irritation melting away to exasperation. "I don't want you to agree because you feel like you have to Luffy. I don't want you to pre-"

Luffy frowned. "I'm not pretending. Would I waste my time pretending when I knew Zoro wouldn't want me to?" The straw hat wearing teen grinned again, releasing one of Zoro's hands to prod the larger teen in the chest. "We're _nakama_." He repeated. "You should've known the answer before you asked."

Snorting, Zoro swatted the hand away and gave his friend a small smile. "I should've..." His eyes sharpened, and his free hand landed lightly on Luffy's thin shoulder, his head ducking down slightly. "So..."

His heart fluttering again, Luffy felt himself bounce on the balls of his feet in anticipation and giddiness. "So..." He replied, tilting his head back and allowing Hat to slip off his head to hang from its string on his back.

With a feral smile, one screaming of smugness and satisfaction, Zoro bent down those extra few centimetres and pressed their lips together firmly, the angle slightly awkward. But after a moment of shifting, their lips began moving against each other smoothly, the tentative contact becoming fiercer and more passionate with each passing second.

Luffy mewled at the wonderfully pleasant sensation, and Zoro took advantage of the slight parting of lips, his tongue delving between the velvety lips into the hot mouth, their tongue entwining around each other in a battle of dominance. Gasps and moans filled their private sanctuary, and with a grunt, Luffy found himself pressed against the floor of the bush, twigs and small clumps of dirt poking into his back.

Reluctantly, they broke the kiss to gulp for much needed air, both of them flushed and panting as they grinned at each other with near giddiness. The muted bustle from the street beyond the bush was ignored as Zoro leaned down again, lips barely touching as he murmured softly; "Guess the shitty cook was partially right..."

"Huh?"

"Mm...nothing." Zoro chuckled, their lips moving slowly and lazily against each other. "Just...wanted this...for...a while..." He spoke between kisses, groaning when Luffy's tongue peeked out to brush against his bottom lip.

Of course, their little moment was unceremoniously shattered when a drawling and decidedly _smug_ voice purred somewhere above them. "Well, well, well, Marimo...you actually did it."

Jerking back, Zoro's narrowed eyes locked onto the blond cook invading their sanctuary and snarled intimidatingly – although the flushed cheeks, heavy pants and reddened lips kind of took away some of the menace his expression would normally hold. "Fuck _off_, ero-cook! You're interrupting something here!"

"I can see that." Sanji snickered, and yelped when a dirt clod pelted him dead on in the forehead.

"Sanji! Go away!" Luffy snapped, looking just as annoyed as Zoro and scooping up another dirt clod to throw. "I wanna kiss Zoro again and I can't do it with you hovering around!" He threw the dirt clod for emphasis, but Sanji was able to dodge the projectile before it made contact.

"Alright, alright, I'm leaving." Sanji snorted, his head retracting from the bush, and his voice carrying through the thick green leaves. "Though you may want to keep it PG-13, perverts, unless you want to be done for indecent exposure."

"Hn. Calling us perverts." Zoro scoffed, scowling the space where the blond's head had occupied. "Stupid ero-cook."

"Ah, enough of Sanji." Luffy huffed, his hands firmly grasping Zoro's cheeks and turning his head to face him, a feral glint in his eyes, lips curved into a hungry grin. "Let's kiss."

It was to be noted that it was Ace who found them hours later, rumpled and looking very pleased with themselves, asleep in the clump of bushes.

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**A/N: **It's up to you to decide what they had been doing in the bushes. A heated make out session or something more...carnal :D You be the judge.

Man, the confession bit took me a while to write actually, because I was trying to think on how Zoro and Luffy would react, so, I decided to go with the flow.

I hope y'all enjoyed! Ta ta!


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